Stop Trying to Love the Life That's Breaking You (+ Free Resource Download)
What if you DON'T have to be grateful? What if presence is enough? A simple ritual for mothers who are too tired to pretend.
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Have you ever just NOT… ..wanted... the life you currently have?..
…I don’t mean to ask if you have ever desired the alternative to being ALIVE, only if you have ever been SO displeased with your particular life circumstances and reality that you have pined for a total revision of the facts in order to achieve the fullness of your joy.
There have been many days in my life during which right after waking, the complete oppressive weight of my life would come in to settle on top of me before I could even fully open both of my eyes. It’s form had edges that were nearly always painfully sharp and it often arrived in new and unexpected shapes.
I would then briefly consider the fact that the dishes were piling up in the kitchen sink, or that I had to attend and meet the obligations for several of my children’s therapy appointments that week, and I would feel the sensations of dread and resistance quickly shift in.
There was not rage there, and sometimes not even dramatic despair... But there WAS a whisper I heard threateningly increase in volume to a full scream of “Why ME?!. I did NOT sign up for all of this!..”
If you too have ever had to quickly swallow and stuff this same voice down your throat, then you are definitely NOT alone... And you’re also not even a bad or failed woman for it.
The Truth About Resentment…
We’re conditioned as a society to believe that truly grateful people DON’T resent their own lives, and that all good mothers are inherently able to accept the humbling realities of this life with grace (and a smile behind lipstick), and that those who are securely fitted within their spirituality can sublimate their pain into gratitude for the very painful growth(?).
I do not have to inform you that this is NOT actually the truth, nor is that how things actually work.
I’m here to confirm for you that you can both fiercely and intensely love your two disabled children and STILL feel very suffocated by the particular shape that your personal version of motherhood has taken on...
Just as you can honor your OWN neurodivergent brain and still grieve the version of yourself who moved through this world with just a little more ease than you currently do.
And you can be committed to this path and STILL fantasize about a parallel life where things are just... lighter.
Your feelings of resentment are NOT the moral failing that you currently frame them to be. And you deserve the grace and space to feel those emotions just as much as you deserve for this burden that you are shouldering, probably all alone, to vanish so that you can finally stop ignoring yourself and what you’ve been NEEDING for far too long…
SO, what exactly to do when that unfortunately shameful feeling of resentment rises up again within us?..
I have experienced more than my fair share of moments desperately spent belly-breathing and conducting frantic searches inside for a version of myself that still felt like the Me who should have emerged at the time (even from beneath the many lifestyle modifications and never-ending advocacy)…
BUT feelings of resentment cannot successfully be thought through… We as honest individuals can only feel ourselves through them towards a resolution and our healing.
And THAT requires coming back into the body and returning to the present moment, even when (especially when) the present moment is the very thing we are trying to escape…
So, try a simple Grounding Ritual for those times... Something simple enough as to do inside the bathroom within a few moments with the door locked. And something grounding enough as to disrupt the spiral before it threatens to take you under completely.
I’m sharing a suitable one with you today:
🌿 A Simple Grounding Ritual
FOR WHEN YOU DON’T WANT THE LIFE YOU HAVE
This ritual is NOT about fixing your life or generating false positivity…
It’s about helping your nervous system pause long enough to feel the ground beneath you again so that you can meet your current reality from a place of presence rather than panic.
Total time: 5 minutes
Step 1: Plant Your Feet (30 seconds)
Find a place where you can be alone, even briefly.
Sit or stand with both feet flat on the ground.
Feel the surface beneath you—the floor, the earth, whatever is holding your weight.
Relax your jaw. Drop your shoulders. Let your belly soften.
Say (out loud or internally):
“I am here. I don’t have to LIKE it to be PRESENT.”
Step 2: The Slow Return Breath (90 seconds)
This breath pattern signals safety to your nervous system and shifts you out of fight-or-flight.
Inhale slowly through your nose for 4 counts
Hold gently for 2 counts
Exhale fully through your mouth for 6 counts
Repeat four times.
Please do not rush it. Let each breath be an act of self-return.
Step 3: Name What’s Real (60 seconds)
Without judgment or storytelling, quietly name three things that are true right now:
Not what you wish were true. Not what should be true. Just what is.
Examples:
“I am exhausted.” “My body feels tense.” “I’m overwhelmed and still trying.” “Today is harder than I expected.” “I don’t know how to fix this.”
Truth creates space. Judgment closes it.
Step 4: Offer Yourself Permission (30 seconds)
Place one hand over your heart or belly.
Feel the warmth of your own touch.
Say:
“It’s okay to feel what I feel. Nothing about this makes me unworthy of love.”
Let your body hear that. Let it sink in, even if you don’t fully believe it yet.
Step 5: Ask One Grounding Question (60 seconds)
Choose the question that speaks to you in this moment:
“What would make this moment feel 1% more bearable?” “What do I actually need right now—physically, emotionally, spiritually?” “Where in my body can I soften?” “What can I set down, even temporarily?”
Do not overthink it. Let your intuition come forward to answer.
Sometimes the answer is “water.” Sometimes it’s “five more minutes alone.” And sometimes it’s “I need to cry.”
ALL OF YOUR ANSWERS ARE VALID.
Step 6 : The Re-Entry Breath (10 seconds)
One final breath.
Long, slow inhale through your nose.
Soft, open-mouth exhale—like you’re releasing everything you’ve been holding.
…Now, return to your day.
NOT fixed. NOT suddenly grateful. NOT pretending everything is fine...
Just more present. More yourself. More able to take the next small step.
📝 Integration Journaling Prompts
After this ritual, if you have the time and energy, sit with one or two of these questions:
1. Where in my life am I currently experiencing resistance or resentment? 2. What feels hardest about my specific reality right now? What makes it feel heavy? 3. What expectations of myself or my life feel unrealistic or inherited from others? 4. Which part of me is asking to be acknowledged, supported, or heard? 5. What does a “1% softer” version of this moment or season look like? 6. Where can I create micro-moments of support or relief for myself this week? 7. What truth did the ritual reveal that I haven’t allowed myself to admit?
(ALL of these prompts plus the full ritual itself are in the companion PDF below that you can download and save for whenever you need it! 👇👇)
Please keep this Grounding Ritual close and use it whenever your current life feels like too much to tolerate, not what you wanted, or heavier than you think you can carry…
You can return to center every single time.
…NOT because it changes your circumstances, but because it changes your relationship to them.
And sometimes, that’s the only shift we actually have control over.
(Save it to your phone. Print it. Tape it to your mirror. Keep it wherever you need reminding that you’re allowed to feel everything and still be WHOLE…)
Thank you for being a cherished part of my life that I hold without ANY resentment,
I suddenly felt very brave recently, and decided to host an un-planned, evergreen Ask Me Anything event in the subscriber Chat Lounge and on Substack Notes…
Got a Q for me?.. My friend Lisa offered me an excellent one herself, and I thank her deeply for the opportunity to express and process the thoughts contained in my response. If you’re a subscriber, feel free to also jump into the Chat below:
New members are trickling in to my passion project of a private peer-support community, and I couldn’t be happier about this than I already am… Big Thanks to ALL Free Forever AND Plus Members who engage, answer the surveys, send DMs, open and consume the resources, socialize, and simply choose to share space with me in this way… If YOU’RE an UnCommon Momma, and you haven’t joined this emerging space yet, you’re NOT late (and of course you are invited):
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I look forward to trying this grounding technique. I find it to be more in depth and detailed than what I've been taught in the past. It's different than radical acceptance. And it's helpful because it isn't toxic positivity. I recently moved to the Bible belt of the south and when people tell me that their faith solves everything and act as if it should do the same for me I find it frustrating. It lacks empathy and understanding the nuances of an exhausted parent who never sleeps and navigates meltdowns and fights and appointments and advocating and explaining what nobody seems to understand and while never successfully feeding your children despite massive efforts, and don't forget the judgements of how simple everyone thinks the solutions are. Even the journaling prompts can be good questions to verbally process with a therapist or appropriate listening ear. They aren't overly complex. They are manageable. Love it!